Wednesday13 - Fang Bang

Thu 14th Dec, 2006 in Music Reviews

It started off as just another night on the town for Wynonarama24 and I, until we noticed the revellers on the street weren’t intoxicated, they were zombified. Neither of us were in the mood for dealing with the living dead, so we started looking for a sanctuary. We saw a church, but a quick glance at each other, and our attire, was enough for us to realise we wouldn’t be welcome there, and we didn’t want to be in a building that contained nothing but wafers and non-alcoholic wine anyway. Then we saw our haven, an establishment recognised by travellers the world over, and we ran or, more accurately, stumbled towards the beckoning red and white neon of KFC.

Bursting through the doors we were immediately comforted by the smell of hot oil and salt, and we looked around for somewhere to sit. Our eyes were drawn to a flickering, grease splattered, video screen that was playing Wednesday13’s latest video, My Home Sweet Homicide. Sitting underneath, surrounded by bottles of assorted alcohols, was our potential saviour. It was Wednesday13 himself, and he had a spoon of absinthe in one hand while he waved a copy of his new album, Fang Bang, in the other. He was raving that playing in a rock band and fighting zombies was thirsty work and he needed more to drink. It may have been because of our desperation, but we believed he was our only hope at survival, so we headed towards him through the human wreckage that was his audience.

Wednesday13 is known for rocking and partying like the mutant offspring of Motley Crue and the Bride of Frankenstein and has fronted some of the most ghoulish bands you will ever see (Wednesday13, Murderdolls, Frankenstein Drag Queens from Planet13). His new album is packed with fun filled, fist in the air, rock. Sure the tunes are catchy, the choruses anthemic, and the lyrics embrace the delightfully morbid and pay homage to the best in horror movies, but could they save us from the evil that was outside?

Wednesday13 played and produced most of the album, but he has since recruited a bunch of black clad cohorts with outrageous hair and tattoos to back him up in his war against overt seriousness and pretentiousness. Standing behind him, armed with his Mixing Desk of Doom, was Bob Marlette. Bob has worked with many rock artists (Black Sabbath, Alice Cooper, Marilyn Manson, etc) and he provided the final touches on Fang Bang. Tonight his role was less clear. Is he here to help rock, to help fight, or was he there because of an unnatural affection for fried chicken?

Fang Bang has songs entitled Morgue Than Words, Till Death Do Us Party, and Kill You Before You Kill Me, so Wynonarama24 and I were confident Wednesday13 had the knowledge to save us from the undead. “Haven’t you seen Return of the Living Dead?”, he asked us while he smiled at the numerous grrls, in various states of undress, that were trying to attract his attention. ‘You have to shoot zombies in the head to stop them, but you don’t have to use bullets, you can use these sharp edged CDs’. With that comment he threw us a pile of Wednesday13 CDs.”Take these, but don’t use them all on the zombies, save some to enjoy yourself. If things get really bad, then use this CD, it may be the greatest, and most zombie lethal, album ever released.” Wednesday13 reached in to an ornate, leather case and reverently handed us Alice Cooper’s Welcome to myNightmare.

We kindly refused his gifts, realising we had no desire to venture outside. Who would want to leave the safety of a store that has fried chicken and Wednesday13? Wynonarama24 and I found a spare table as the band took to the stage and Bob plugged in his Mixing Desk of Doom. Forget the zombies, tonight we rock!