Mark Ronson & TheBusiness Intl - RecordCollection

Tue 12th Oct, 2010 in Music Reviews

Dear Mr Ronson,

Oh Mark, look what you’ve done. After an illustrious rise from party-boy hip-hop DJ through to full-blown arranger and producer you finally let your vanity get the better of you.

When you’re the man responsible for at least 30% or more of the biggest pop hits of the last five years, everyone expects a bit of ego. But what they don’t expect is an album full of originals in which only four are listenable and the rest is self-serving, ‘80s inspired rubbish. Lady GaGa, bless her heart, was right about one thing; you definitely can’t sing.

You’d think that being able to assemble some of the best talent in the world at short notice would negate this problem, but it appears to have only made it worse. Who in their right mind casts themselves opposite Simon Le Bon ( Record Collection ) and expects to come out on top? Singing wobbling vintage hooks ( Lose It ) and hoping Ghostface Killah will pick up the tab really just doesn’t cut it anymore.

What really pains me, Mark, is that I know exactly what you’re capable of and it mostly arrives and disappears by the end of Bang Bang Bang. There’s nothing remotely retro about Miike Snow’s Andrew Wyatt, talented as he is, and though you did valiantly bring D’Angelo out of his hermit cave ( Glass Mountain Trust ), he currently sounds like Ja Rule on a bad day.

The Bike Song is cool, in a way, but it’s offset by a slew of cheesy synth experiments that even Duran Duran wouldn’t have touched in their heyday. Every beat aside from that on Bang ends up sounding like a carbon copy of the one before. This is what you do, Mark! You turned Britney Spears’ Toxic into a funky sex jam, remember? You got Wino on Valerie and now The Zutons can’t even claim the original anymore! What the f- is going on?

Perhaps more cohesiveness, less wank and a few less guests will help clear your vision. For it is an extraordinary vision, and I know this is a mere setback on your path to interminable greatness.

Yours sincerly,

Your biggest fan