The Hard Ons - Smell MyFinger

Thu 16th Jun, 2005 in Music Reviews

Political correctness wasn’t all that high up on the agenda back in 1982. When three teenage upstarts from Punchbowl High, who had a mutual liking for The Sex Pistols and The Damned, decided to make some noise, manners didn’t come into it. Peter Black (guitar, vocals, farts, burps) Ray Ahn (bass, vocals, burps) and Keish De Silva (drums, lead vocals, burps) are the then Hard Ons and Smell My Finger was their first twelve incher.

They wanted to be hard-as-nails punk but their collective ethnic backgrounds didn’t really have the necessary impact. This wasn’t assisted by the fact that they were geeky horny teenagers with a fixation on farts, chicks and dicks. They used to get changed into their punk get up around the corner so parents wouldn’t find out. Their parents busted them. No, punk they were not, although their first gig as The Dead Rats and later as The Plebs was shut down by the local constabulary. Now we’re getting there. Rock ‘n’ roll!

They didn’t let their cosmopolitan upbringing or geekdom get in their way and made up the ‘punk attitude’ by giving their releases parent and girl friendly titles like Surfin’ On My Face, Dickcheese, Suck ‘n’ Swallow, I Farted and Smell My Finger. It was also reflected in most of the lyrics. Equally as tasteful is the cover art for this release produced by Ray, as are most of the covers. I’m sure I see this granny in some of my nightmares. They also liked to play with a lot of energy and smash things; guitars, amps, drums. Made it! Punk rock!

Pop, power pop, hardcore, thrash, punk, surf punk, call it what you want. This was punk as The Hard Ons saw it. Their melodic interpretation of the genre is fun and tongue in cheek, something that was often missed by the Australian press and public but nearly always acknowledged in Europe. Over there, they knew that these guys were taking the piss out of themselves. In the U.S they had to rename Smell My Finger to Hard Ons but The Hard Ons name remained. Go figure!

From the opening line of

“Baby, baby I’d like to fuck you...”
 
in Lollipop through to the last verbal delivery of

”...all I want to do is light up your farts.”
 
in I Farted, it’s all pedal to the metal, four on the floor stuff. Uncouthness abounds, manners were checked at the door. Even the cover of Then I Kissed Her isn’t spared. Almost, but not quite as it is given a Hard Ons sting right at the end.

Questionable song content abounds, but remember, they are taking the piss, so don’t take it too seriously. Wog Food is probably the most tolerant of all the tracks being the sad tale of a failed relationship caused by ethnic food. Something I’m sure we can all relate to!

At the other end of the spectrum, Think About You Everyday, is probably a little rude, delving into or touching on (no puns intended, it’s a loose, loose) parts of the female anatomy shall we say.

Fast and fun, that’s what it is. Every track.

Eagerly, I await their 21st Anniversary Tour. Playing as a four piece, two drummers, (Keish is back sharing with Peter!) I hope that they aren’t too shabby in delving into the depths of depravity by delivering some of the rough diamonds that are Smell My Finger.

Strangely, I don’t think I will be disappointed and I already have my tickets for the ‘kiddie-speed-metal-punk’ that is The Hard Ons.

Hey, I like it and I’m using it! (The tag, not the drug)