Oh Rivers, how I used to love you. I was one of the many clueless kids in the ‘90s who credits Weezer’s self-titled debut (more commonly known as The Blue Album) as the defining point of my impending, discerning musical taste. After a few line-up reshuffles (mostly bassists going AWOL, literally), the 1996 sophomore effort originally-canned-but-now-a-cult-masterpiece Pinkerton, the decent Green Album in 2001, 2002’s disappointingly nu-metal Maladroit, and the 2006 pop-sham that was Make Believe, us diehard fans of the flying W have been through some tough times.
Infamously stubborn frontman Rivers Cuomo has usually penned and sang lead on all Weezer songs to date, however, sixth studio LP The Red Album sees bassist Scott Shriner, drummer Patrick Wilson and guitarist Brian Bell share in these roles. Lead single Pork & Beans is a great song, with cheeky lyrics such as ‘I ain’t gonna wear the clothes that you like; I’m finally dandy with the me inside’ poking fun at the entire music popularity contest. After all, it was written in response to Geffen wanting ‘more commercial material’. However, it is a deceiving impression of what the rest of Red has to offer. Sure, there are some decent moments on the album, but at only 40-odd minutes long, that leaves a lot of space to be filled by, well, rubbish. Most is held together only by the shiny production by former Cars frontman Rick Rubin and producer Jacknife Lee.
Troublemaker is innocent enough, reminiscent of Pinkerton’s The Good Life, and a good half of ‘epic’ The Greatest Man That Ever Lived (Variations On A Shaker Hymn) evokes images of Fred Durst. Toward the middle of this track we are rewarded with Rivers’ unmistakable falsetto, complete with Killers-like echoing choirs. But why should we have to wait so long for the song to get good?
Another promising song ruined is Heart Songs; what instrumentally sounds like a Blue Album ballad is tainted by terrible name dropping, disguised as a tribute to childhood influences. The ending does evoke memories of Blue’s The World Has Turned (And Left Me Here), however. Then we move onto some real doozies. Everybody Get Dangerous is as crap as the title, a song that even Andrew W.K. would shun. Tiresomely stupid lyrics about tipping cows, driving recklessly and lame parents are layered over faux metal riffs and fat basslines. It should have been left as the crickets chirping at the start.
Brian Bell’s Thought I Knew hardly registers, and Scott Shriner’s awkward Cold Dark World proves that the Nickelback/Hoobastank/Sugar Ray formula can be done a thousandth time. Perhaps most disturbing is the line “But if you need love/Then I’ll be here to sex you.” Aw.
Moderately impressive is Wilson’s straightforward rock in Automatic, even if the (bad) Bon Jovi sound effects grate on the nerves. That said, Wilson is expected to impress with his efforts through side projects The Rentals and The Special Goodness. Sixth track Dreamin’ may rekindle the affections you had for the Weezer of old, consisting of sweetly reminiscent lyrics, a happy melody and the inevitable ‘woo-hoos’. The downfall? Dreamin’ is squished between substandard, contrived tunes that would make most cringe.
When Weezer finally tour Australia again, I will be one of those irritating fans chanting ‘Play your old stuff!’ However, after The Red Album; another painful blow to their credibility, I doubt I will be of the minority.
