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Image for Nickelback @ Brisbane Entertainment Centre (22/11/2012)

Nickelback @ BrisbaneEntertainment Centre(22/11/2012)

A Nickelback concert is a product as routinely assembled as a hamburger, as JODY MACGREGOR discovered at Brisbane Entertainment Centre last Thursday.

According to the latest issue of Haterade Monthly all the cool kids are pouring scorn on Mumford and Sons this season, so it’s time to give Nickelback a break. They can’t really be as bad as their detractors say they are. In fact, here is a short list of bands who are worse than Nickelback:

Creed
Theory of a Deadman
The Black Eyed Peas

So, clearly, not the worst band in the world after all.

The Brisbane Entertainment Centre is full of people who have an even higher opinion of Nickelback than I do. These people aren’t the people who were recently in this venue to see Radiohead. It’s an older audience, some of whom have brought their kids, and obviously a less fashionable one. I only spot a couple of mullets, but I do see T-shirts for Aussie Pride, Monster energy drink, and Top Gear. Making fun of the fashion choices of people at a Nickelback concert is shooting fish in a barrel, I know, but think about it – doesn’t shooting fish in a barrel sounds like a super-fun thing to do? All right, then.

Nickelback are wearing plain black when they emerge at nine pm. Their drummer, Dan Adair, has a sleeveless Metallica t-shirt (from Ride the Lightning – excellent choice), which is entirely appropriate when they open with ‘This Means War’. From their seventh album, 2011’s Here and Now, it sounds more like Metallica than anything Metallica have released in years. Chad Kroeger’s bullfrog croak is a passable imitation of James Hetfield’s and the years the band spent playing Metallica covers in Canadian pubs has clearly served them well. As a lapsed fan of the Four Horsemen, I am genuinely enjoying this bundle of monstrous thrash. If they didn’t have Chad “Sad rock Jesus” Kroeger singing for them, these guys would get far more respect. Close your eyes at the right moment and you could be at A Perfect Circle gig.

Next, they play ‘Something in Your Mouth’, which is basically their version of Bryan Adams’ ‘The Only Thing That Looks Good on Me Is You’. The screens behind them alternate between silhouette strippers and the song’s lyrics, so that we can be suitably astounded when the words blur as Kroeger does his trick of singing very fast. It is an impressive trick – he manages to spit out “Dirty little lady with the pretty pink thong/Every sugar daddy hitting on her all night long/Doesn’t care about the money, she could be with anybody/Ain’t it funny how the honey wanted you all along” in about seven seconds flat.

They have several impressive tricks. Adair plays a drum solo – yes, really – pretending to be exhausted at the end only to start up again as soon as the applause kicks in, over and over again. Guitarist and backing singer Ryan Peake gives a masterclass in rock moves, dodging away from the microphone between every line like it’s throwing punches and he’s Muhammad Ali.

‘Bottoms Up’ is the first of several drinking anthems they play. These are the themes of Nickelback songs: Attractive women; attractive women who have personally wronged Chad Kroeger; nostalgia; and booze. Later in the night they’ll do shots and throw beer at the audience, right now they just sing about it. Kroeger tells us that being big drinkers is something Canadians and Australians have in common (it’s easy to forget these guys are Canadian, given how completely they’ve embraced the American language of success, talking about the business of showbusiness in interviews using the same 48 Laws of Power-dialect as Jay-Z). They also boast about who has smoked the most weed, which is as embarrassing as it would be in any student sharehouse. ‘Bottoms Up’, though – and I swear this is the last Metallica comparison I will make – sounds like Metallica doing a Jack Daniels ad.

“Close your eyes at the right moment and you could be at A Perfect Circle gig.”

When they aren’t slamming together powertool riffs, Nickelback play their ballads. As they launch into ‘Photograph’ a sea of phones lights up and people take photographs of Nickelback performing a song about photographs. It’s a song that’s full of specific details perfectly designed to evoke more general feelings. Yes, I am about to praise a Nickelback lyric. Specifically, this one: “Kim’s the first girl I kissed/I was so nervous that I nearly missed/She’s had a couple of kids since then/I haven’t seen her since God knows when.” It’s so precise as to name the girl, but the sensation is one every person packed into this building singing along right now identifies with. The people you knew in high school remain teenagers in your memory in spite of how much they’ve changed since then. This is a thing that Nickelback do well: They create moments that feel personal for their fans in spite of being shared by thousands.

A Nickelback concert is a product as routinely assembled as a hamburger – every stage move carefully rehearsed and perfected – but there’s also something different added at each stop, and that secret ingredient is us. Kroeger’s patter between songs is localised (he got stuck in traffic on the way to Boondal for this show, just like we did – the common touch!), and during ‘Rockstar’ the screens alternate between showing him belting the song out and members of the audience singing along right there with him. Every one of those people will have something to tell their friends about tomorrow.

Nickelback get away with sucking up to their audience hugely and blatantly – Kroeger’s favourite words are “Thank you so much!” shouted every second song, they hand out guitar picks, drumsticks, t-shirts, and beer – because their audience identify with them as much as those all-inclusive songs. There’s no pretension or separation, Nickelback are just a bunch of chill bros who like doing shots and probably spend their weekends playing Xbox. They are never going to go weird and release an album that sounds radically different to their careful formula, and they are never going to let you down by breaking up over creative differences, or by not finishing a concert with their biggest hit (‘How You Remind Me’) and then performing the inevitable encore, as they do tonight.

In an uncertain world where even the Foo Fighters are on indefinite hiatus, Nickelback can be relied on to always be Nickelback – and there’s a certain comfort in that.

(Photo: Barry Brecheisen Photography)

Related: In defence of Nickelback

Comments

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46797
naysayer

naysayer said on the 24th Nov, 2012

jody macgregor is going to get some hate for this. it's inevitable but this is really well written! she's fully embraced their terribleness and understands what the appeal is with them and their all-inclusive lyrics, etc.
oh and, "these are the themes of nickelback songs: attractive women; attractive women who have personally wronged chad kroeger; nostalgia; and booze." - that's exquisite!

conditionals

conditionals said on the 24th Nov, 2012

yeah i agree, this was a great review. i get tired of hearing that 'nickelback is the worst band in the world'. as jody said, exhibit a in the defence is creed. how about puddle of mudd? remember staind and 3 doors down? all those bands are offensively awful, and worse, take themselves way too seriously. at least nickelback take the piss of themselves sometimes.

Joshkat

Joshkat said on the 24th Nov, 2012

jody macgregor, this review is a total joke & if you're just one of those sheep who love to knock nickelback, then you shouldn't be reviewing their gig. yes they have some so called drinking anthems & songs about sex & women, but anyone who can write songs like lullaby, if today was your last day & far away has something deeper inside than all those other macho sounding songs. chads voice is unbelievable & they are seriously talented & tight musicians! i used to bag nickelback until i had to take my little bro to see them in 2009 & i was totally blown away then & again this wk just gone. 50 million album sales can't lie & anyone who sees them live & is not impressed by their talent is kidding themselves!!

Lucan

Lucan said on the 26th Nov, 2012

Well balanced review, IMO.

Am sure it would've been easy to just go on the attack, but this was well considered and respectful.

LukeWarm

LukeWarm said on the 26th Nov, 2012

Great piece! Well balanced and generous.

Stefan Beck

Stefan Beck said on the 26th Nov, 2012

Great story, compelling and rich.

MorningAfterboy

MorningAfterboy said on the 26th Nov, 2012

And that, of course, was our newest reporter, Jody MacGregor. She's really great. I'd also like to share with you that we are currently dating; and that she is quite a handful in the bedroom.

gumbuoy

gumbuoy said on the 26th Nov, 2012



What do you think, Jody?

https://si0.twimg.com/profile_images/2551805690/r9dnjbx7ewk3qlhdhlp7.jpeg



Sure they can. They lie all the time. Hell, they lie even more than 1 million album sales. 50 times more!

lateleigh

lateleigh said on the 26th Nov, 2012

more than generous review. Well done on finding the fine line and sticking to it. It must have been bloody hard to find anything nice to say....

Annies boobs

Annies boobs said on the 26th Nov, 2012

I believe Joshkat in German means "whale's vagina"

VegetableLasagne

VegetableLasagne said on the 27th Nov, 2012

i will hear nothing bad against 3 doors down.

lineofbestfit

lineofbestfit said on the 27th Nov, 2012

Hey joshkat you do reliaze you are the only nickelback fan on the entire forum don't you? also what's with having a females name in the last part of your username you nancy

Joshkat

Joshkat said on the 27th Nov, 2012

lineofbestfit, everyone's entitled to an opinion & if you wanna get personal & disrespect people, don't be so pathetic & do it online. i wish i could stand face to face with you cos you'd be in hospital you arrogant fuck!

Stugalug

Stugalug said on the 27th Nov, 2012



You'll hear nothing good about them either.

tyler07

tyler07 said on the 27th Nov, 2012



Holy shit.
I just completely lost my shit forever.

gumbuoy

gumbuoy said on the 27th Nov, 2012

Im so torn. Not sure to whether to post notsureifserious.gif, dawsoncrying.gif, billcosbysaysno.gif or michaeljacksonpopcorn.gif. If i had better photoshop skills, I'd combine them all into one super-gif.

Annies boobs

Annies boobs said on the 27th Nov, 2012



I retract my previous post: clearly Joshkat in German means sandy vagina.

Stugalug

Stugalug said on the 27th Nov, 2012



I was thinking crabby vagina.

Nosyt

Nosyt said on the 27th Nov, 2012



http://pigroll.com/img/say_that_to_my_face_fucker.jpg

MorningAfterboy

MorningAfterboy said on the 27th Nov, 2012



YEAH GMAN HE'D KICK YOUR BUTT

http://skullofanathema.tripod.com/darkshorts.jpg

gumbuoy

gumbuoy said on the 28th Nov, 2012

...at Nintendo.

http://simpsonsscreenshots.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/illkickyourbutt.png

lineofbestfit

lineofbestfit said on the 28th Nov, 2012

clearly nickelback fans are the new hardcore mosh kids , talk shit get hit. Good to know i can still work up people with one single post. #stillgotit

SF23k

SF23k said on the 1st Dec, 2012

im defs not a fan of nickelback, i enjoyed reading this though

Jose Cuervo

Jose Cuervo said on the 2nd Dec, 2012

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmet0kjUic1ql1qzzo1_400.gif

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmbsxyDTqO1ql1qzzo1_400.gif

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lm8zcqlDSn1ql1qzzo1_400.gif

aliharrison

aliharrison said on the 10th Jan, 2013

i thought this was hilarious!