Velvet Hammer @ Oxford ArtFactory, Sydney (30/7/11)

Wed 3rd Aug, 2011 in Gig Reviews

You know you’re in for an interesting evening when the first thing you see as you walk in is a drummer in a tuxedo wearing a luchador mask, a guitarist dressed up like a young Colonel Sanders and a five-foot singer with glaringly bright clothing who’s dancing about the place like nobody’s business. This peculiar cocktail went by the name of Bosom, an eccentric three-piece that mixed kitschy electronic beats with sprawling, Cramps-style riffs and vocals that sound like all three of the B-52’s singers mixed with John Lydon. Bizarre? Absolutely and completely. Hence why it was so fascinating – and subsequently entertaining – to watch.

Next door, a drag queen by the name of LaDonna Rama was prancing about to some generic dance beats, occasionally adding in single-entendre zingers like “I want your sexual erection.” Intriguing, if only for the implication that there is any other kind. Yep, Velvet Hammer was very much underway.

Mopey Sydney kids Naked on the Vague were the next act up in the main room, attempting to inject some of their icy, dark vibes into the event with their droning synth-driven buzz. A bopping knee here and there aside, their style didn’t quite fit in with the vibe of the evening. The energy levels didn’t quite match up, and this wasn’t helped in the slighted by the band’s stage presence – or lack thereof. The unexpected hero, then, came in the form of a long-haired dude with a GameBoy. He goes by the name of Ten Thousand Free Men And Their Families, and the premise of what he does is simple: Take the music of classic GameBoy games, tweak them a little and then go mental over the top of them, tongue placed firmly in cheek all the while. It was simultaneously hilarious and terrifying, a small but very worthwhile insight into the “chip music” scene that is rapidly generating in its cult status. Opposites clearly attracted in this scenario.

“Let me tell you about my first wife!” announced W.H. Monks as the hirsute gentlemen that comprise Gay Paris took to their instruments. “The bitch was a fucking fox queen!” That’s all it took – the drums rolled in, the riffs rolled out and Gay Paris continued their quest to dominate every stage that they set foot upon. For those late to the party, it’s a bellowing brand of blues that comes less from the heart and more around the stomach and crotch region. It’s the filthiest brand of rock and roll that one is likely to find in these parts, the kind that just feels a little wrong if you’re not cutting some serious rug, or swilling a beer – or, for some of the braver punters, a combination of the two. It’s buck-wild, down-and-dirty and more than a little queer – perhaps the perfect fit for Velvet Hammer. But not even the longest beard and the wildest session of speaker-humping could quite prepare anyone for what happened next.

Balloons, stuffed toys and a Gallery Bar at heaving capacity is what greeted Totally Unicorn’s arrival onstage. They didn’t need another invitation. Bassist Tim McMahon was already completely nude, while fearless frontman Drew Gardner had bounded his way into the crowd and started what could only be described as a mini-riot. To the band, it’s just another day on the job, but to anyone who’d never experienced their fervent and unpredictable live shows, this was nothing short of exhilarating. There was crowdsurfing, stolen beer, dives onto couches, one or two mic grabs and party streamers flying about the place – and that’s only briefly covering the madness that ensued.

In a hardcore scene that is filled with heavily tattooed tough-guys, it’s downright awesome to have a band like Totally Unicorn that, while having some seriously skilled musicians in the fold, have the exact right sense of humour needed to give the scene the smack around the head it deserves. If you’re not having fun at a Totally Unicorn show, you’re not there. As the Gallery Bar wrapped up for the evening, it was clear that Velvet Hammer had – to use the most obvious pun possible – hit the nail on the head. Weird and wonderful, we can only hope more of these kind of events will take over the OAF again very soon.