In the UK, Club NME is a big deal. Renowned for having the best up an coming bands and DJ’s playing with high-profile guests, they offer a great night out that people talk about months after. Unfortunately, it’s doubtful that it’s Melbourne incarnation will be remembered in such a way.

The night began ominously with two acts cancelled and replaced by Black Night Crash DJ’s and a band called Love Connection. The latter’s style is a fairly popular one out now; somewhere between the Flaming Lips, 60’s Psychedelia and Sonic Youth noise. It’s something achieved with greater success by Tame Impala. These guys had all the right gizmos and drums and things on stage to make it work but it just came out all sloppy, loose and uninteresting. Perhaps the Hi-fi sound didn’t aid their cause yet, with a lot of other bands doing the same thing, Love Connection need to lift their game to compete.

Blacknight Crash DJ’s were as expected. Pretty much playing all the songs you would expect from their normal sets, which tonight generally consisted of hits from 2005. The Strokes, Arctic Monkeys, Hot Hot Heat- not a great deal to get inspired about.

Former bassist for The Smiths, Andy Rourke, gave much the same. It is difficult to know what to expect from these sorts of guest DJ’s. Are they supposed to play hits from their era? Songs that inspired them when they were starting out? All Smiths songs? Whatever people were expecting, only 3 die-hard Smiths fans were excited to see him and get autographs after his set. Other than some early 80’s stuff, much of Rourke’s set drew similarities with Black Night Crash DJ’s, with more Arctic Monkeys, some Ting Tings, Groove Armada, Stone Roses, Primal Scream, Joy Division, a couple of cool remixes one Smiths song getting a run out.

When Philadelphia Grand Jury took to the stage, everyone was well and truly ready to go home. Indeed, many had already left yet those who waited were treated to an excellent show.

Philadelphia Grand Jury are not a band. They are a Voodoo curse that has been placed on 3 unsuspecting individuals who happened to be standing in the wrong place at the wrong time. They don’t look like a band. They look like prisoners who are having their bodies forced to contort in ways they are not accustomed to by invisible strings held by some sick Voodoo Priests son who has a thing for rock music. Their style is Voodoo surf and it’s a party from start to finish.

The band began softly with I Don’t like Politics before launching into the other 9 songs of the set with gusto. Limbs flailing, they tore through their ofy-played pop rock hits. Classics Going to the Casino, I’m Going to Kill You, and Ready to Roll are all there as well as new tracks When Your Boyfriend is Back in Town and The Good News. Some strange pre-recorded banter over the PA, before breaking into I Don’t Want to Party (Party). They rip apart the set, repeating I Don’t Want to Party (Party), sweating and sore the band cry out over and over again. The drummer is unable to break free from hitting the drums and pretty soon the curse pulls them back to their instruments, cleans up the stage and makes them finish the last song. They return for a quick encore, doing their excellent cover of 99 Problems by Jay-Z.

A great performance by the Philly Jays but there was little to suggest that Club NME will offer Melbournians anything they don’t already have.