Teen Archer started off their set in the most low-key fashion possible: a mumbled ‘Can you press record on the tape deck?’ to the sound engineer. Their on-stage demeanour and persona were not particularly exciting, but fortunately for the band their music certainly compensated for their stage presence (or lack of). If you closed your eyes, it was almost like you were in a grungey British underground punk venue in 70s. Teen Archer’s speciality was straight-to-the-point, uncomplicated old-school punk. They mixed it up on a couple of tracks with a saxophone, and while it might sound awesome on a record, there was no way anyone was going to hear a piddling saxophone over gritty guitars, ballistic drumming and punk vocals in a live venue. And while the rest of the band looked like scruffy musicians with suitably long hair for head banging, the clean-cut saxophonist looked more like someone’s younger brother who happened to be studying saxophone in high school. A tad bizarre, but certainly didn’t detract from Teen Archer’s music because it couldn’t even be heard in the first place.

Next up were The Scare, a band that had somehow won the lottery in both the talent and good looks category. Lead singer Kiss Reid is definitely the hottest thing to have ever stepped foot in the suburb of Richmond – ever inch of him oozed sex appeal. He even resembled Bernard Black from Black Books, with his scruffy hair covering his face entirely, his big black coat and his slightly sissy demeanour. The Queenslanders mostly played tracks off their very new release Oozevoodoo, an excellent affair produced by Daniel Johns. Their titillating set included the super swanky As He Walks (which Reid introduced as a country hip-hop song), Cry and Could Be Bad. They closed with No Money, in which Kiss leapt over the crowd barrier and got down and dirty with punters.

Children Collide’s show at the Corner Hotel was huge. Unfortunately, I can’t tell you what the band looked like or what they did on-stage. I managed to find myself a nice position in the crowd where I was surrounded five indie kids, all at least 6 foot tall, and only actually saw the tops of Johnny Mackay, Heath Crawley and Ryan Caesar’s heads a couple of times. But I can tell you this: I went to the gig looking like a presentable FasterLouder writer, pen and paper in hand. I left the gig with eye liner running down my cheeks, my lip piercing ripped out, bruises on my face where I had been punched, and sticky patches on my shirt from unwise punters trying to drink in the mosh pit. I may have also broken someone’s nose. In other words, freaking awesome. The name Children Collide was quite literal.

The electric three-piece opened with the ridiculously catchy We Are Amphibious, which set the mood for the rest of the night with punters thrashing about wildly on the sticky floor of the Corner Hotel. The crowd soaked it all in, and went ballistic to every single song Children Collide threw at them: Cannibal, Marie Marie Pt 2, Across The Earth and Skeleton Dance. According to the taller people in the crowd, Johnny also sang into his guitar in their very crazy performances of We Live In Fear and Chosen Armies. Those at the Corner were also lucky to witness three new, nameless and yet to be released Children Collide tracks. The first one was most excellent, but the lyrics ‘One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, eleven, eleven’ were far too Sesame Street. Nevertheless, one punter was overheard commenting, ‘It makes me want to hug Snuffleupagus!’ Their second new track was sadly unforgettable, but the third was like an awesome take on Joy Division’s She’s Lost Control.

The whole band seemed completely taken aback and overwhelmed at how enthusiastic the crowd of 850 people were. ‘We really appreciate you all coming, and singing and shit,’ a very flabbergasted Johnny thanked Melbourne. ‘Thanks for making our year!’ And then the moment that everyone was waiting for: Farewell Rocketship. There was probably not a single person who wasn’t singing their heart out or waving their arms in the air. This genius song was probably the perfect song to lead into the encore, but instead Johnny made an announcement. ‘Ok, so we’re not going to do an encore. We’d feel like wankers. So let’s pretend that we went off-stage and you all clapped, and we’ve come back on-stage and we’ll just do another two songs?’ The entire crowd roared in approval, and Johnny cheekily added, “Or we could pretend you didn’t clap?” They closed with an explosive Social Currency, and finally with a breathtaking instrumental piece.

All the punters leaving the Corner Hotel were all suitably satisfied, with Teenage Archer providing good old-school punk tunes to warm up, The Scare giving the crowd a good dose of sex appeal and Children Collide proving exactly how literal their name really is.

CHECK OUT THE PHOTOS FROM THE GIG HERE