It’s another Thursday night at the Birmingham Hotel in Collingwood, home of cheap pots and cheap gigs. Tonight four local acts are showcased in the venue’s bandroom for the super-cheap price of five bucks. Shows like these are similar to a Snack chocolate bar – it’s cheap and you know what you’re going to get (either yummy chocolate or yummy tunes). But just as is the case with a block of Snack, you have to try them all to find out which one you love and which one you hate.

Repairs take the caramel block, a perfect opening treat for the slow growing crowd. Keyboards and samplers fill the Birmingham’s small stage, while the down-tempo beats generated from said instruments fill noise throughout the just as tiny room. The atmospheric sounds lack sometimes hint at outputting a drum beat, but that is taken away just as quickly as it’s presented. Stunning in it’s minimalism, Repairs made for act better then the timeslot they were representing.

Breaker Morant are the orange block – something you may take if it’s the last one left, but would pass on otherwise. It’s an epileptic mix of several rock styles – you have a bit of surf, a bit of garage, a bit of punk, and a bit of blues all thrown together. Drums pop over the jingle-jangle mess of guitars, which sees the crowd nodding their heads for the first time tonight. There is a downside and it’s a big one – the lead singer’s vocals which scream ‘Shit guys we need a singer – you do it’. Each track is sung/yelled/chanted in identical monotones, whether it’s on droning on about foreign dictators or fore-warning the crowd about the exact time he is going die (or perhaps the exact time his voice would give out). Not worth the lengthy wait between acts.

If Jetstar and Tiger’s cheap flights are allowing bands like The Nevada Strange to tour it’s enough proof to shut the airlines down for good. The four piece from Sydney fill up the Birmingham’s stage in size, but lead singer M. Tolman fills up the room and perhaps the entire venue with his unwarranted ego. Tolman is proof that sometimes you just need to shut up and get on with the music, as he is constantly taking time between songs to talk about how they are from they can’t get schooners in Melbourne or need a source for cheap drugs. Fighting in the background for attention is some Bad Seeds influenced rock with a slight country twang but it’s ultimately forgettable. It wasn’t all bad – with a five song set it didn’t wear out it’s welcome too much. The Nevada Strange is like a piece of coconut ice – once you stick it in your mouth you won’t be able to spit it out fast enough.

Headline act Bachelor Of Arts made up for the previous two acts and then some with a quick, solid set. Despite much of the crowd emptying out following the conclusion of the previous act, the three piece managed to drag them back into the bandroom with a selection of tracks old and new. The screaming lyrics over distorted guitars of Apathy remind the listener of fellow Melbournians My Disco, if only less experimental. Kevin Mcdowell and Bill Forshaw provide vocals simultaneously on new track Methods To Madness, and despite contrasts in how they let out the noise manage to neither clash or have one member dominate over the other. If you paid twenty dollars just to see these guys you got excellent value, so at five bucks they were an absolute steal; and provided the best set of the night. This is your Turkish Delight – the one you spare until the end then savour, leaving a satisfying feeling inside and a smile on the outside.

Four bands, four different outcomes. Some you’re left wanting more, others you never want people even telling you about, let alone trying again. The only thing left to do is return to the shop, purchase another bar and start all over again.