The Levitators, The Torrens @Rocket Bar, Adelaide(28/03/09)

Wed 8th Apr, 2009 in Gig Reviews

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THE TORRENS
No shit.. THIS is what I fucking live for! this is why I keep coming back, this is why I made the return trip tonight.. YEAAAS!! This is The Torrens. They’re quite possibly the worst band I’ve ever heard AND the third or fourth weirdest I’ve ever seen (and in the best way possible). Call them Z-grade, “so shit they’re awesome”, a stand up comedy act, or the sum total of eight years under the Bush Administration (and every comedy writer in the US in mourning ever since they left). This is that rarefied species of batshit insane, bordering on a suicide attempt that very few should ever attempt (especially on a live stage) without risking a war crimes tribunal. Think Ed Wood, Pauly Shore and Rob Scheider. Think Vanilla Ice, Tenacious D and Har Mar Superstar. Think Central Deli Band, Clue To Kalo, It’s Warsaw! and Radio Spectacular!!! (those extra exclamations signify awesomeness!). OH YES! The Torrens are THAT face meltingly fiendish! They’re a hiphop side project between Tom Ireland and Willie Budstrip from High Stakes (Adelaide’s answer to AC/DC), and Vibro from The Beards banging the laptop beats. They’re every reason why ex AFL footy players and brickies labourers should never mix binge drinking with karaoke, they’re why fights break out. Led onto the stage tonight blind, in head to toe sheets with hats on, they’ll stand there motionless to nintendo beats for an intro freaking us all the fuck out, before busting loose to a retarded, profanity laden, hiphop jam that mixes all the worst moments of Eminem’s “Encore” album with Regurgitor, Gerling, Muscles, TISM, Flight Of The Conchords and The Streets. It’s one continuous “dick and fart” gag, it only gets worse and worse. They’re SO much less than the sum of their parts. Just look at them doing the “jazz hands” and cracking staccato baboon noises and crap I think I just pee’d a little! So spectularily shit, so abysmally awesome!! The Torrens. As much as I preferred High Stakes? duuude these hilarious fuckwits damn near saved my night!

THE LEVITATORS
Which is just the kind of “light relief” you’ll need when you face off against this band. This is The Levitators. They’ve been around for years, almost half a decade by my account. The last time I saw them was waaay back in 2005 at the Crown & Sceptre; and short of adding Sam Morrison as an MC (former lead singer of Snap To Zero) very little has changed. Still, there’s a lot to like about this band. They’re a live outfit that alternates between hammering breakbeat, hiphop, reggae, dub funk and drum & bass with a shitload of freestyle rapping. You can’t help but fill a dancefloor with it, they’re all around me tonight, hot chicks galore, getting their groove on and sweating it up.. but something’s missing (and it’s not just the lights). Imagine a propellant mix between The Cat Empire, Roni Size Reprazent, Red Snapper, Propellerheads and Pendulum. Or if you can remember that far back: simply imagine the sounds of The Baggsmen (ex “The Hive”) from Sydney who pretty much obliterated the whole “live drum & bass” schtick with The Bird in Melbourne and you’d have it just about nailed. It was huuuge back in 1992 through to it’s heyday in 1996 to 2000 with Goldie, Grooverider, Dillinja, Jump Up Show Down and all those Metalheadz compilations banging it fierce. Back when it was all about hoodies, puffy oversized silver jackets, headphones larger than your head, blunts, rooftop raves and mad vibrations you could feel all the way from Jamaica. Remember techstep, darkstep, dubstep and Ali G banging the “Junglist Massive”!? aaaaah memories! And as much as I loved this shit back in the day (and the crowd’s loving it tonight) I’m clawing my face off to get the fuck away from it! There’s a sign in The Grace Emily that rather neatly sums up my predicament: “drum machines have no soul”. It’s not because I agree: just listen to Aphex Twin, Squarepusher or anything Bjork’s cooked up in the last decade if you want to start an argument.. but because with The Levitators here I believe the opposite is true. They may be talented musicians cracking it like killer robot. They may be able to grind a beat, a rhythm and a dope rhyme on a turn of a ten cent piece. They may even stumble upon the occassional Fatboy Slim infectious hook.. but when the single appeal of your live act tonight is a pack of musicians aping machines: where’d the freaking personality, the originality? damnit!! where’s the soul?

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