In an insane new episode of VH1’s Behind the Music, Courtney Love talks about fame, drugs, and admits to stabbing Kurt Cobain in the testicles to wake him up from drug induced stupors.

She told VH1, “He’d pass out and seek oblivion and I’d have to fucking slap him and put pins in his balls and put ice cubes everywhere and it started to piss me off… I started resenting that; I didn’t like being a nursemaid.”

The show’s viewership has been declining lately, but the Hole/Courtney Love episode brought in higher ratings than the popular Motley Crue episode.

The show will continue to air in America for the next few weeks, but here are some of her craziest quotes for the rest of us:

“The men with the two best noses in rock n’ roll were Axl Rose and Kurt Cobain and I certainly wasn’t going to mate with Axl Rose… I was all about mating for a nose.”

“I would just tell them lies … just lie. ‘I had four abortions this month,’ which is biologically impossible.”

“I dedicated my worst record [ America’s Sweetheart ]to Cameron Crowe and the Scientologists. Like, that’s how much I was on drugs.”