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The 5 worst things about beinga vegan on the Soundwave tour

Australian metalcore band I Killed The Prom Queen are gearing up to drop their new album Beloved this Friday, before heading out on tour with Soundwave. Ahead of their next festival adventure, frontman (and dedicated vegan bro) JONA WEINHOFEN shares the five worst things about being a tofu-loving metal dude on the Soundwave tour. Note: This piece contains satire.

In all honesty, these days festivals such as Soundwave and many European and USA-based festivals are becoming more and more vegan friendly. Festival catering is usually pretty amazing and very diet conscious, providing a range of food for vegan/vegetarians, gluten/lactose intolerant etc. However, there are always a few gripes to be had – and here are five of mine.

1. Chicken wings and drumsticks being served as food to the public

This results in a vegan’s worst nightmare: When you step out into the crowd and into a literal chicken graveyard. Last year we had to walk around the festival grounds on stilts, explaining to people that the specific form of protein needed to better your mosh skills actually comes from mushrooms.


2. Black metal bands always wanting to sacrifice something

There’s always a black metal band on Soundwave – usually from Scandinavia – and they’re constantly trying to spray the crowd with real pig’s blood, hang out with fly-infested goat’s heads on stage and sacrifice pigeons to their satanic musical gods. Their road cases stink out the entire back stage area and I’ve had to add clothes pegs to our rider just for our noses. Metal bands: Next time you want to sacrifice something on stage go out into the crowd, find the first person you see with a Southern Cross tattoo, and please consider replacing the pigeons and sheep with him.


3. Seclusion

Some of the festival sites are so far from the city centres that it means we have to travel great distances to find our almond milk chai lattes and cruelty-free, soy-free, gluten-free earth-friendly cupcakes and faux-buffalo wings. Please consider a Lord Of The Fries stall next time, Soundwave.


4. Carbon Footprint

Trucks, planes, trains, automobiles! Leather seats, countless bugs being slaughtered all for the sake of a traveling festival. When will the cruelty end!?


5. Non-pet friendly atmosphere

We love animals, especially puppies. We request puppies on our rider every year and yet the promoters don’t deliver. We want to bring our animal friends on tour with us – airlines make us sedate them and put them in crates. Animals are people too. When are human people going to realise this?

I Killed The Prom Queen’s new album Beloved is out this Friday through Warner Music.

Soundwave 2014 dates and venues

Brisbane at RNA Showgrounds – Saturday, February 22
Sydney at Olympic Park – Sunday, February 23
Melbourne at Flemington Racecourse – Friday, February 28
Adelaide at Bonython Park – Saturday, March 1
Perth at Arena Joondalup – Monday, March 3

Comments

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loudQUIETloud

loudQUIETloud said on the 12th Feb, 2014

A LOTF stall would actually rule so hard.

Andy_1989

Andy_1989 said on the 12th Feb, 2014

Is it possible to be a vegan or vegetarian and not bitch constantly?

loudQUIETloud

loudQUIETloud said on the 12th Feb, 2014



Yeah
http://www.iwillnotdiet.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/mcdonalds-4.jpg
don't you just
http://www.telovation.com/photos/steak-scented-billboard.jpg
hate people who
http://www.cbsoutdoor.com/PhotoGallery/Bulletin_Phoenix_Fast%20Food.jpg
push their agendas about meat?
http://media.merchantcircle.com/28062239/Atlanta%20Burger-King%20Billboards_full.jpeg

fucking vego poofs amirite?

Oflick

Oflick said on the 12th Feb, 2014

http://thedoghousediaries.com/comics/uncategorized/2013-12-23-2e73e93.png

Oflick

Oflick said on the 12th Feb, 2014

Oh, and...

The worst things about being a vegan on the Soundwave tour:

6) You're on the Soundwave tour

/latfh

Jose Cuervo

Jose Cuervo said on the 12th Feb, 2014


http://www.cbsoutdoor.com/PhotoGallery/Bulletin_Phoenix_Fast%20Food.jpg


I invested in one of those in San Diego....It was pretty ace

monokhrome_nite

monokhrome_nite said on the 12th Feb, 2014

Wait, do you guys not have Wendy's?

Oflick

Oflick said on the 12th Feb, 2014

We have an ice cream chain called Wendys, though. It's pretty cool...

monokhrome_nite

monokhrome_nite said on the 12th Feb, 2014

We have both. It's very confusing.

Demosthenes

Demosthenes said on the 12th Feb, 2014



Nah, they're not all fundamentalists. A good friend of mine is vegan and she's very laidback about it.

/anecdotalevidence

Nosyt

Nosyt said on the 12th Feb, 2014

Are these valid criticisms or a tongue in cheek look at vegan culture?

Either way he failed.

Alskiz

Alskiz said on the 12th Feb, 2014

We have both. It's very confusing.

Especially when you think you're buying ice-cream but end up with a soggy piece of meet and a dried up tomato.

gumbuoy

gumbuoy said on the 12th Feb, 2014

We have both? I don't think I've ever seen the non-dessert/icecream one in Brisbane, is it in Syd or Melbourne?

I'd have thought if the meat Wendys came here, the dessert Wendys would kick up a stick around trademark and force them to use a different name.

Oflick

Oflick said on the 12th Feb, 2014



Alskiz is from New Zealand.

nos235

nos235 said on the 12th Feb, 2014

I always though I killed the Prom Queen were crap - this just reinforces that

berlinchair101

berlinchair101 said on the 13th Feb, 2014

http://xenmediagallery.com/media/we-got-a-badass-over-here.723/full

back_to_you

back_to_you said on the 13th Feb, 2014

maybe this thread should be linked to Jett's meat thread :)

AC100

AC100 said on the 13th Feb, 2014

q: how do you know if a vegan is on the soundwave tour?

a: don't worry, they'll tell you.

Oflick

Oflick said on the 13th Feb, 2014

q: how do you know if a vegan is on the soundwave tour?

a: don't worry, they'll tell you.

.

BBNG

BBNG said on the 13th Feb, 2014

this is obviously tongue in cheek and not meant to be taken seriously. complaining about insect deaths and leather seats? cmon guys get a grip.