The Doctor’s 'Top Ten TipsFor Breaking Into The MusicIndustry'

Wed 10th Nov, 2010 in Features

According to Lindsay McDougall (triple j’s “The Doctor”, Frenzal Rhomb) breaking into the music industry is easy, anyone can do it, it just requires one small thing of yourself: the complete surrendering of your soul to the parasitic whims of the dull-eyed masses.

If this irritates your puritan indie sensibilities, fear not, these days there’s enough different types of cookie-cutter genre molds to fit even your most oblique electro-fuzz. You just need to squeeze yourself into one of the following song types:

BIG DUMB ROCK
First up, though not the easiest. Get some guitars, drums, bass, and someone not really in the band to play keyboards live. Then fashion some quasi-deep lyrics and wrap your more-than-sufficient voice-box around them, with your band-mates playing the toughest yet emotional sounding four chords they know.

BIG DUMB ELECTRO
You know this band. You know you can be this band. In fact, if you tried option 1 and it didn’t work for you, just get the guitar riffs, play them on your newly acquired midi-synth and you WILL be this band. You’ll need some lyrics too, either abstract quasi-emotional stuff or better still, a catchy phrase, even in a different language.

BIG DUMB HIP-HOP
Not much needs to be said about this genre that won’t be said in the first verse of a song it produces. Get some big beats, and sing about the beats. Get a big bass-line, and let us know how big that bass-line is, lyrically. And then list your other plus points, in rhyme form. Feel free to name-check a radio station and go for your life.

SENSITIVE INDIE RAMBLINGS
Okay, you’re going to need a xylophone for this. And at least one female (if you’re one, that’s enough.) It helps to live somewhere away from a capital city, a mountain or somewhere with lots of trees. If you’re reading this you already have an acoustic guitar, now get two more. You’ll need them for the alternate tunings. I’m not going to tell you what to sing about, coz I’ve got no bloody idea. Try to keep it that way and you’re off to a good start!

SENSITIVE POLITICAL HIP-HOP RAMBLINGS
Remember that big dumb hip hop band we discussed in point 3? Forget it. Now, get your computer to play some really trippy beats, the less kick drum the better. Now go to getup.com.au, pick a page at random and choose that as a topic.

POLITICO-ROOTYS DREAD-ROCK
Big acoustic guitar, a slide, maybe some didgeridoos and a fretless bass, don’t forget the percussion. There’s not too much explaining needed for this subcategory, which is fitting, because lyrically, that’s where you gotta stay. Big vague themes, revolutions of one sort or another, being nice to the world, to you sister and brother, regardless of whether you have siblings.

NOVELTY FESTIVAL RELATED SONG
Deceptively difficult this one. Crashing across all genre boundaries, these tricky little things rear their heads towards the end of the year, hoping to make it onto a radio playlist around festival time. Profess you love of festivals, or maybe detail your gig-related broken heart. Pick a story, maybe use a quirky sample or instrument, and write yourself a ticket to novelty glory.

YE OLDE MUSIQUE
This one’s becoming a burgeoning industry. Music like it used to be made, like hundreds of years ago. Get yourself a banjo, lute or Appalachian Mountain Dulcimer. The more obscure the better. And now it’s time to play dress ups. Pretend you’re working at Old Sydney Town or in a Jane Austen period drama, throw a little Glenn Richards lilt in your voice and maybe do a video clip in a field.

NEO-POST PUNK
Don’t get scared off by the title. If done right this is relatively easy. Get a guitar and play a couple of chords, get the drummer to play along with you and the bass player. Then get your singer to sing something that has no audible connection with the song. Best thing about this is you can record it in minutes, leaving your credibility AND your bank balance intact.

YOU KNOW, THAT SONG, THE ONE WITH THE…
This is a last ditch attempt, but can get you over the line. Remember that song about the person who farted? Or the one that has the guy counting in Spanish? What about the one that goes “Woo woo woo woo woo woo wooooo Barbara Streisand? You know what to do.

Lindsay McDougall is one of over 75 music industry guest speakers and artists who will be sharing their experiences, ideas and expertise with budding artists, musicians and industry workers at the annual Face The Music Conference in Melbourne on Friday 19 and Saturday 20 November at the Arts Centre.

Presented by youth music organisation The Push (Push Over Festival, FReeZACentral, Push It), the two day artists and music industry conference which has been running for three years, will feature forums, workshops, one-on-one consultations, live showcases, networking opportunities and much more.