• 8
  • 2040

About the Author

Image for Gwar

Gwar

“We are very, very excited. I’ve never eaten hippies in the Pacific before and I’ve never had sex with a great white shark either – I’m looking forward to both of those experiences,” enthuses Oderus Urungus, lead vocalist of Gwar, the world’s only openly extraterrestrial band. “It looks like our Australian children have been able to escape our wrath for a little while. I tell you, the beating is long overdue.”

For many, Gwar need no introduction, with over 25 years of bandmanship terrorising the earth. For others, their presence at No Sleep Til later this year will be a delightful insult of the senses. Consisting of Oderus Urungus on vocals, Balsac – The Jaws Of Death on guitar, Jizmak Da Gusha on drums, Flattus Maximus on guitar and Beefcake The Mighty on bass, they belong to an ancient order of aliens called “the scumdogs of the universe.”

Gwar’s banded brothers originated billions of years ago, but it was not until they were banished to earth for committing cosmic crimes that the group truly bonded after enduring a series of rather unfortunate events. “There were lots of dogs. Dogs were fucked. Cows were fucked. Snakes were fucked. Whales were fucked. Jellyfish were fucked. Maggots were fucked, big maggots, big maggot pussies. Mostly apes though,” says Oderus, by the by. “We hoped that when we fucked the ape, we would create some kind of super ape, kind of half Gwar half ape. Then we got this strange pinkish, hairless creature – yourselves – so ah, you know, we are a little disappointed with the outcome. We’re not going to fuck anymore apes.”

Upon hearing of the ‘unforgivable act’ – the creation of humans – Gwar’s Master imprisoned them in layers of thick ice in Antarctica, remaining until the 80s, when the overuse of hairspray during the rise of Hair Metal, that a hole in the ozone was formed and the scumdogs thawed. They were taught how to play instruments, got hooked on crack cocaine and since that time, they have been blood-mad, alien-undead, demon lords of the most wicked metal band in the universe.

Oderus remembers growing up, “I fell out of a womb, it was a birth in that chemical agents were created with each other and I fell out of something that looked like a pussy directly onto the penis of a clown I might add. Not an easy childhood, but one I have overcome through heavy reliance on sex, drugs, alcohol and music – that’s helped as well. Metal has turned out to be the most reliable form of rock and roll kick that you can get.”

Despite Oderus’ hardcore masquerade, his life is not always as brutal as it might appear to be. “There is a very small soft spot,” he admits, “everyone has their sentimental core and I am no exception, but I am trying to have it removed. Conditioning, drug abuse, alcoholism then therapy and if all those don’t work, then surgery, I will actually have my heart removed from my body.”

As for openly living on Earth as an extraterrestrial Oderus says that “It can be difficult. And now that Michael Jackson has fucked off, I don’t really have any other aliens that I can hang out with and have a good time. So it’s pretty much just me, back at the castle in Antarctica, creating shit sculptures and eating crack. I don’t smoke crack, a lot of people seem to think that I smoke crack. I eat crack!” He pronounces agitated, emphasising each syllable.

Gwar is known for their witty, political (anti or otherwise) lyrics and have actually been band from areas of the States due to their debauchery. However, Oderus fondly explains their artistic process is possibly not unlike that of any human band, “I don’t know if we really write music so much as we argue with each other and break pieces of equipment over our heads and smash amplifiers which are costing us billions of dollars. It’s a writing process but it is also a process of gladiatorial combat.”

Ahead of Gwars’s thirteenth record release titled, _Bloody Pit of Horror, the bands current mission is simple. “Take all the elements of gross liquid that people have inside of them, you know whether its pus or blood or urine, diarrhea or congealed seamen – did you know that on average human beings have up to 14 pounds of impacted fecal matter stuck in their testicles alone? And what were trying to do with Gwar is loosen up a lot of that baggage, ” Oderus says.

Inevitably Gwat will cause the demise of the world; “I think this could be a sign of the end times,” Oderus prophesises, “I’m honestly surprised the world has lasted 25 years. So getting to Australia and doing all the great cocaine down there could be the one thing that pushes Gwar over the edge.” Then Oderus changes his tone, “But I think it would be a shame to have that happen too soon though, we would like to come to Australia at least four or five times. And I want to get a blow job from a Great White Shark.”

Gwar tour Australia in December to play at the No Sleep Festival.

No Sleep Festival dates:
Friday 10th December – ASB Showgrounds, Auckland
Sunday 12th December – Arena Jondalup, Perth
Wednesday 15th December – Entertainment Centre, Adelaide
Friday 17th December – Showgrounds, Melbourne
Saturday 18th December – The Entertainment Quarter, Sydney
Sunday 19th December – RNA Showgrounds, Brisbane

To win the first double pass to No Sleep Til in your capital city head to the ‘No Sleep Till’ Festival pager here – and become a fan of the festival.

Comments

www.fasterlouder.com.au arrow left
35563
radiocide

radiocide said on the 23rd Oct, 2010

This was such a great read. No Sleep Til is going to rule

Brenchli05

Brenchli05 said on the 26th Oct, 2010

this makes me so excited for no sleep til!

Eric the Black

Eric the Black said on the 26th Oct, 2010

Amazingly I have never had any contact with Gwar's music over the years.
I will be keen to see them if some side shows come up but I doubt I will get to the festival.

grattan

grattan said on the 31st Oct, 2010

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rbw6Gxq8cA

grattan

grattan said on the 30th Nov, 2010

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6VCQgA9FnI&feature=player_embedded

grattan

grattan said on the 21st Dec, 2010

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sf0mpPPKOko&feature=player_embedded

ThatDude123

ThatDude123 said on the 22nd Dec, 2010

Dammit I just posted that to the Xmas thread!