Best Of British: GlastonburyFestival

Mon 19th Nov, 2007 in Features

Unless you’ve been living in outer space you will already know that Glasto is the most famous festival in the world. In fact, it is SO massive that you can probably see the festival site from space. It’s the closest depiction of beauty that I have come across. In 2007 I embarked on my virgin voyage to Glastonbury and swiftly realised that everything I had been told by veteran friends was true.

High ground is dry ground.

Arrive early (Thursday is ok, Wednesday is better) to stake your claim. I was told by three different sets of friends that Pennard Hill was the way to go. Taking their sage wisdom on board, we pitched our tent just before nightfall then promptly introduced ourselves to the neighbours and offered them some hot cinnamon donuts from the caravan nearby. Although this might seem utterly benevolent, it was really just to build up some goodwill so they didn’t hate me in the likely occurrence that I fall over on their tent while they’re sleeping.

Pack light, but don’t forget the essentials… (or a stack of money).

Your car/bus may have to park several kilometres away and tents are heavy. A few ingenious punters planned ahead and brought luggage trolleys and wheelbarrows to transport in slabs of beer, tents and other essentials. If your eyes just lit up at the prospect of BYO, do keep in mind that you can’t bring a fridge to keep it cold… Then again, you may have spent enough time in the UK by this stage to realise that they find warm beer acceptable! Most of the items below can be bought on site, but it’s best to keep that in mind for emergencies only, unless you have an unlimited budget for your trip:

• Raincoat (wet weather pants too, if it’s looking ominous like it was ‘05 & – œ07)
• Gumboots
• Torch or headlamp so you don’t trip over tent ropes in the dark
• Sleeping pills, headache pills, and anything else you need to stay pain-free
• Clothes that dry quickly
• A shemagh was invaluable (protection from cold or dust / handy towel substitute)
• Lots of undies and socks (showering is optional so a daily change of both kept me from feeling like an utter skank)
• Compact self-inflating air mattress to keep your body off the ground when horizontal
• Gazebo tent for a bit of outdoor space that still offers shelter
• Fold-up camping stool so you can sit even when it’s muddy (we bought them on site and found them essential by the last day)
• Wind up phone battery charger – don’t queue for the phone charging tent, you’ll miss way more important things

The music is merely a soundtrack to the most mental experience of your life.

To call the top-shelf line-up a mere soundtrack seems an injustice, but when non-musical highlights include; being taught how to walk in the mud and not fall over by Lee from the Plump DJs, getting divorced in the Chapel of Love & Loathe before having ever been married, and discovering the simple delights of gallon-sized bottles of pear cider… it’s no wonder the superstar line-up is only one piece of the puzzle. Whilst sidetracked, we discovered the New York Downlow, a seedy nightclub modelled on 1970s NYC gay underground where you had to paste on a moustache in order to gain entry. Banksy installed a brilliant remake of Stonehenge made out of graffiti-covered Portaloos near the sacred site. And fancy dress in the mud is, in fact, a great idea.

For every amazing moment you witness, there are many you miss. There’s no point worrying about it.

Shirley Bassey opening her set with a cabaret cover of Pink’s – œGet The Party Started’ had me squealing like a kid at Christmas, while Kate Moss and Pete Doherty’s duet – albeit appalling – was great gossip to email back home afterwards… “Seriously, it was sooo obvious they were about to break up.” Bloc Party’s Kele encouraging a crowd of 50,000 people to sing – œHappy Birthday’ to bassist, Gordon Moakes – then seeing the look on Gordon’s face… unbelievable! On the minus side, seeing Madness play a (not sufficiently) secret set from way too far away left me dismayed and even more perturbed by the mud. By the last day we chose one stage and stuck with it, as the effort taken to get from one side of the site to the other can be overwhelming, particularly if your taste in music is eclectic. Getting to Squarepusher at Glade from Shirley Bassey at Pyramid via a surprise gig at Lost Vagueness in cloying knee-deep mud, all the while trying to rally a group of beyond tipsy friends requires the patience of a saint.

Just go.

There is nothing else like it. It is so easy to immerse yourself in this fantasy land of unending entertainment that if you are even remotely contemplating a mission to Glastonbury, make it happen. There are times when you will catch a glimpse of yourself and think you must be out of your mind to have parted with hard-earned money to be knee-deep in mud with quarter of a million people on one farm. That moment of clarity will suddenly disappear as you tuck into a hog roast roll and wash it down with a warm cider patiently waiting for the Arcade Fire to take to the stage.

How to make it happen.

Glastonbury takes place at Worthy Farm, near a village called Pilton in England’s pretty South-West. The first step – getting your hands on a ticket – is a mission unto itself. You need to register in advance and are issued a registration number. On the day tickets go on sale you can buy up to four in one transaction, but will need to know the registration number and correct spelling of the surname of each person you are buying for. We had three people calling the international hotline, two people trying online from Australia, and one person trying online from the UK. Eventually our friend in the UK got through after a very anxious 80 minutes, with the festival being declared a sell-out only moments later. Gone are the days when going to the festival was a last minute whim!

Getting to the site can be tricky, because thousands of other people are also trying to get there at the same time, and the area is only home to a handful of residents for the rest of the year. Allow plenty of time, and if you’re catching a bus book early to ensure you arrive at the best time. The official Glastonbury website contains all that type of info.

Get your gumboots on and get down and dirty at Britain’s famous Glastonbury festival. Virgin Atlantic earlybird fares to London from $1760 including taxes. Click here to book now.

Here’s a bunch of useful sites for planning your trip to Glasto:

YouTube clips from Glastonbury; the best of the best!

Shirley Bassey covers Pink’s ‘Get The Party Started’:

Madness perform their classic ‘Baggy Trousers’:

Challenging the mud (with Kaiser Chiefs in the background)... this is exactly what it was like!